BENEFITS OF GROWING OLDER
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be
- It's harder and harder for sexual harassment
charges to stick.
- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
- You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
- You can eat dinner at 4:00
- You can live without sex but not without glasses.
- You can't remember the last time you laid on the
floor to watch television.
- You consider coffee one of the most important
things in life.
- You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
- You got cable for the weather channel.
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter
who walks into the room.
- You send money to PBS.
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- You talk about "good grass" and you're
referring to someone's lawn.
- Your arms are almost too short to read the
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- Your ears are hairier than your head.
- Your eyes won't get much worse.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally
beginning to pay off.
- Your joints are more accurate than the National
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because
they can't remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a
Courtesy of Barbara CRAWFORD Williams
Class of '59 Site
Fletcher Main Page
Visit Don's Historical Text